


Team Petunia Makes a Sexy Omelette

by merely



Category: Space Battle Lunchtime (Comics)
Genre: (sort of), F/F, Oviposition
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-21
Updated: 2018-09-21
Packaged: 2019-07-15 01:18:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16052471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merely/pseuds/merely
Summary: While heading home with Neptunia for the holidays, Peony inadvertently learns some things about alien cultural expectations. And biology.





	Team Petunia Makes a Sexy Omelette

**Author's Note:**

  * For [gwenfrankenstien](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gwenfrankenstien/gifts).



"Just ignore Hive-Mother when she criticizes the texture of your _slaarg_ , she hasn't liked anyone's since First Queen-Sister passed," Neptunia said. She was pacing up and down the narrow corridor between the ship's cockpit and the small galley kitchen where Peony was rolling out dough, even though they still had almost a full day before they landed on Europa. Peony mentally resolved to make _slaarg_ so perfectly that even Neptunia's Hive-Mother would have to acknowledge their superiority, and kept rolling dough. 

"And don't let any of my hive-brothers trick you into going back into the nursery with them!" Neptunia went on. "You're a guest, not a drone. You don't have to do anything they say, they're just brats." 

"I don't mind playing with your little brothers," Peony said. 

"You will after the third time they try to get out of bedtime by whining about how they aren't larvae anymore," Neptunia said darkly. "And! If Hive-Mother gets nosy and asks why I haven't laid any eggs in you yet, tell her it's none of her business!"

"Neptunia, I'm not going to tell your mother -- wait, what?" 

"What do you mean, what? Do you actually want to have an extended conversation with my Hive-Mother about when we're planning to spawn?" Neptunia demanded. She had finished another circuit from kitchen to cockpit to kitchen again, but instead of turning back she stayed hovering by the counter, giving Peony a good view of the delicate lavender flush on her cheeks. "Because _I_ don't. Two of my hive-sisters have set up nurseries already, she's just being greedy at this point." 

"Go back to the part about _laying eggs_ ," Peony said. 

Neptunia looked uncertain. "What about it? I know we haven't really talked about spawning, but I thought -- we're so busy setting up the food truck, doesn't it seem like it's too soon? I mean, if you _want_ \-- I'm sure we could make it work -- " she backpedaled. 

"It is definitely too soon!" Peony interrupted, slightly panicked. "No talking about spawning until we have a stable source of income and better health insurance!" 

"That's what I thought," Neptunia said, visibly relieved. "Not that -- I mean, we don't _have_ to spawn, ever, but -- "

"We can discuss it when we're in a better place," Peony said. "I'm not, you know, _opposed_ to the idea, eventually. I was just kind of confused about the... mechanics? Earthlings don't lay eggs." 

Neptunia looked completely pole-axed. "But... but... I mean, _how_...?" 

"Earth females produce an egg every month and if it gets fertilized it stays inside them for nine months until it's ready to be, um, _spawned_? We call it being born. It either has to be cut out of its mother's stomach or pushed out of, um." Peony gestured. "It's supposed to be really painful." 

"Nine... months?" Neptunia repeated. She was so pale that her skin had taken on a tinge of teal. " _Cut out_? How _big_ are your larvae?"

Peony frowned, trying to think of a comparison that would make sense. "About the size of a loaf of bread, I guess. Just a regular whole wheat loaf, not a boule or a baguette," she added. 

Neptunia stared at her in total silence for a long moment. "There is no way that would fit," she said flatly. 

"You know it stretches!" Peony said, blushing as she recalled a few pertinent details of introducing Neptunia to human anatomy. "But um, yeah, that's why it hurts. How does it work for you? You don't carry your, um, larvae?" 

"I'm a hive-sister, not a _drone_ ," Neptunia said indignantly. "Not that there's anything wrong with being a carrier!" she added hastily. "Just I'm not. Uh, the 'positor, you know, produces the, uh..." 

"Neptunia, I _don't_ know," Peony said. "What's a positor?" 

Neptunia was bright fuchsia. "The 'positor is the person who produces an egg," she said, gesturing vaguely at her own genital area while looking anywhere except at Peony. "Because ovipositor is the name of the organ that puts the egg inside the carrier's egg-sac or an artificial incubator. Then the egg has to -- I don't know what happens exactly, I wasn't paying attention in health class but it has to sit for a few days, if the parents decide to have it fertilized, until the larva hatches. But it is nowhere near the size of a loaf of bread!" 

" _If_ they decide to have it fertilized," Peony repeated thoughtfully as she wrapped up her dough and put it in the refrigerator to chill. "So you don't only lay eggs when you want to spawn?" 

"Well, I mean, some people do, but you can also do it, um. Recreationally." 

"I'm not interested in what other people do," Peony said. "Do _you_ enjoy doing it recreationally?" She started putting away her ingredients and washing up her dishes, and was surprised by the feeling of Neptunia's arms sliding around her waist. 

"I like what we do together," Neptunia said. She nuzzled briefly at Peony's neck while her hands wandered under Peony's apron, making Peony squeak. "I like the way you taste, and the way you smell, and the way you squirm when I've been touching you for an hour but you don't want me to stop. I like _you_. I don't need to put an egg in you to enjoy myself." 

"I like you too," Peony said. "I even like that you can't say any of that when you're looking me in the eye. Joking! I'm joking, honey, you know I love you. And I enjoy what we do together, obviously. But... I mean, I'm not promising I'll love it or anything, but I'd like to try the egg thing at least once before we decide it's off the table permanently? It sounds, um. Fun." 

"Oh." 

Neptunia's hands stopped moving, and Peony quickly added, "No pressure! Obviously we don't have to if you don't want to, or we can wait and talk about it later if you want to think about it, or -- " 

"Oh, I'm thinking about it," Neptunia said. She caught Peony's right hand and drew it back to cup the bulge pressing against her back, right below the knot in her apron strings. Hesitantly, Peony rubbed her index and middle fingers over the unfamiliar curve. "Giving it very serious thought," Neptunia added, sounding slightly strangled. 

Peony twisted around in Neptunia's arms until she could reach up and kiss her. "Why don't I finish up these dishes, and you can keep thinking while you get ready for bed?" 

"Or you could let the dishes soak," Neptunia counter-offered breathlessly. "I don't need to think about it anymore." 

"I mean, if you're sure..." Peony said. 

Neptunia untied Peony's apron and started herding her toward the bedroom. 

*

"I don't know what I'm going to say to your Hive-Mother now," Peony said sleepily. 

Neptunia's arms tightened around her waist. "Tell her I'm not ready to share you with hatchlings yet," she said. 

"All right," Peony yawned, and fell back to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Much like Neptunia, I did not pay attention in Health Class and absolutely none of this is meant to be remotely plausible, anatomy-wise. But hopefully it's still fun!


End file.
